When God Says Wait

“Do you trust me when the answer is wait?”

This question has circulated through my brain for weeks now & just when I think I have the answer, I am confronted with the fact that I don’t trust God as much as I would like to think. My doubt makes its way to the forefront…do I really trust God? Do I trust him when things don’t go as I planned; when the answer is wait?

Lately I feel like all of my prayers are being answered the same way…wait. Waiting for my visa. Waiting for my police clearance. Waiting to get back to South Africa. Sometimes I feel like the waiting will never end…like all I’m doing is waiting. Discouragement set in big time. I feel completely helpless; like no matter how hard I try, there’s nothing I can do to change it…nothing to make the waiting shorter…nothing to fill the time in between. Day after day I wait hoping that God will give me the go ahead but each day I am brought to a crossroad. Will I trust him in the waiting or not?

But maybe that was the whole point. Maybe the reason God has been telling me to wait is to bring me to the point where I realize that He is in complete control, not me; to bring me to the point of total reliance on Him; to show me that this was never about me anyways. None of it. Whose desires am I really after anyways? God’s or my own? Is my utmost desire really to bring glory to HIM?

 “Delight yourself in the Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

Maybe I the reason I have not been getting my heart’s desires is because my utmost desire has not been where it should be. Maybe all this waiting was meant to help me take a look into my own heart to evaluate what it is that I really desire.  While my desire to go back to South Africa is not a bad thing by any means, my greatest desire must be for God himself & for Him to receive the glory & fulfill his desires in my life. It's time to relinquish control, trusting that God's way is the best way & if that means waiting, then so be it.

So will I continue to pray that the Lord will get me back to South Africa soon? Yes. But my ultimate prayer is that the Lord would have His way & help me to trust Him in the waiting because none of this was ever about me anyways. So maybe all of this waiting was not a waste of time after all. 


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